"Sorrow is a fruit. God does not make it grow on limbs too weak to bear it."
Being the advocate for someone is very hard. It requires patience and stubbornness. It requires more than I have time to expound on; just know that about EVERY decision I make has my son at the center of it.
This is why April was so hard. The company that provides my son's behavioral therapies informed me I had too many change vouchers for the first quarter of this year. (These are any times I had to change locations for therapy, was late, or had to cancel). I was given an ultimatum to not let any more incur for the quarter. But, we had one day during a crazy rainstorm when I had to pull my car over to wait it out, because I couldn't see. This made us late to therapy at the clinic. And this was the final straw.
I arranged a conference call with our local operations manager and the company's head guy in charge of family services.
After two hours of me crying and trying to convince them to give us another chance, pleading my case that I have my special kid plus five other children who need me (and how many people have that on their plates!) they still refused to keep us.
This was devastating because it meant going back to square one on locating ABA companies that service my location. As well as, the dreaded wait time. There are too many children on the spectrum and not enough services in any aspect, so there is always a wait. (I did find a company but that's 3 to 6 months of waiting. School ended on the same day that his old therapy services ended 😔).
I cried so much in the month of April--probably more than any other month in my life. During spring break I tried to suck it up and attempt potty-training a 2nd time. During this time I somehow acquired strep throat. Miraculously, no one else got it--even with all my kids home for the whole week! This was the first hint of sweet to my bitter cup.
Another sweet was a private moment while attending another church meeting. The man conducting was the stake president from a different stake, other than my own. He was telling a wonderful story about his wife's great grandfather. Not only was the story interesting, I noticed how he conducted himself and his mannerisms. It reminded me a lot of my own husband. Then I got to thinking about how humble and personable my husband is, as well as nonjudgmental. I was kind of having a conversation with the spirit, in my head. I just felt that my husband was such a humble and willing man and he was needed, by the Lord, to serve in callings where he would be able to influence and help many people. I was so moved that I wrote about it in my journal, which I don't write in very often.
During our weekly date I felt I needed to share my thoughts with my husband. He of course was very humble and just smiled while looking down and sayed a quiet "thank you."
The next day was Easter, and we received a phone call from the stake executive secretary to come and meet with the stake president of our stake. After talking to both of us for several minutes, finding out the details of our week, asking us how our marriage was, and then turning to my husband and asking some very personal, deep, spiritual questions, he extended the call to serve as a counselor in the bishopric for our ward. My husband and I both immediately began crying. Because of our son and the demands of his special needs, we just assumed that we would never be able to serve in certain callings in the church (because of the time commitments). But my experience had prepared my heart for what was to come. I had received a witness that my husband was needed and we would be okay in his extended absences. "You can't keep a good man down." (And honestly, I don't see much of a difference in his time that he was already spending with work! The Lord is blessing us).
Bittersweet April--thank goodness the sun rises after the darkness. We are on a new waiting list for my son's therapies. Until then I "wait on the Lord." (Proverbs 20:22)